February 12, 2010 the Silly Putty Ex

I have dated many men. Many, many men. I can't remember some of their names. Others, I would prefer to forget. Some of them are just decent memories in my mind of good guys who weren't 'right' guys. But then - there is the never-ending ex. This is that one guy (or gal for you gents who read this blog) that sticks to your mind like silly putty. Even when he's peeled off, there is still some stamp left.

The weird part about this fella is that he tends to be a total dick. Total dick. He's rude, he probably doesn't have a job, might have some baby mama drama, stood you up constantly and had commitment issues.

But he was charming. Oh fuck was he charming. So much so that after you end it with him, the worst thing in the world happens - he gets better. He's no longer standing you up, making you go to tractor pulls, critiquing your cooking, etc. Now he is just that hot guy who swept you a few months ago with great sex and that grows and grows in fantasy until you are screwed.

Last night one of my friends got a text from her friend who was working at Applebee's. "Todd's here," the text said. My friend freaked; I mean she (a 30 year old woman) started screeching at the sushi bar. Todd was her Silly Putty from 3 years ago. Apparently, Todd ain't got a job, fooled around and made Alicia drive all the time because his car was always "acting funny." On top of that, all they really ever did was have sex. But Todd was hot and charming and the idea of him eating chicken fingers at Applebee's on a Friday night sent her into a tizzy. I'm pretty postive that after we left the bar, she accidentally dropped into Applebee's. I will have to check on that.

Which reminded my other friend of her Silly Putty. Christa is going on a lunch date today with what seems to be a nice, but nerdy guy. But Silly Putty is still in the back of her mind, lurking. She knows Silly is a bad deal she's helpless.

You can't talk these exes out of your head. You cannot use the power of reason or time. There are only two cures.

1. You meet the right one. I know, I even hate myself for saying it because it is so cheesy, but Bryan made all my Silly Putty disappear. Instantly. That is why if you have a Silly Putty in your life, you have to start dating. The bad ones will make this ex look even better, so that is a risk you have to take. The good one will be a mind eraser.

2. You have to rehook up with him. Also super risky! This can only be attempted after a hiatus of 1+ years. Don't go into this after 3 months. But after a year or so, if he is willing, go back out with him and try it again. Chances are, you might actually see that he wasn't really so much charming as you were young, insecure, or horny. The sex might not be as good as you remember. But you can't hang it up right then. The trick to the rehook up is this - You must a) date him until he physically repulses you and b) you have to end it. Do not give him a chance to break it off or you will be at square one again.

(PS. No! There is no, "And who knows...he might have changed and is a really good guy now." Don't bank on it. Step out of that pipe dream. He's still a douche.)

Our dating world will become way more productive if we kick these exes to the figurative curve. Then maybe they will all hook up and make each other miserable while we move on.

Until Next Friday,

Pauline